My friends, today is a sad day in the history of this world. There is war, poverty, and hunger all around our globe as we speak. Perhaps most disturbing, though, is the event that took place over night in the land down under. At an airport in Sydney, Australia Sylvester Stallone, aka Rocky, was arrested for a banned substance, a muscle growing hormone, steroids.
To most of you, this might be another one of those ho hum steroids scandals akin to Barry Bonds and Mark McGuire. To me, this is more because baseball did not bring down the Berlin Wall. Baseball, all be it, is America’s game, but Rocky represents freedom in the same way a bald eagle bursting through the stars and stripes represents freedom. Rocky is freedom and that freedom is on the juice.
In Rocky IV, the freedom fighter Rocky Balboa went to the land of snow and beat the commies into the ground, then delivered a speech during which witnesses claimed to have seen pieces of concrete falling off the wall in Berlin. We were led to believe this feat was achieved through natural means, good old fashioned American Dream type work ethic (if you doubt me watch the 50 something-odd minutes of video montage where Rocky trains with railroad ties, mountain climbing, and wood chopping). Meanwhile, back in Moscow, the giant Russian was using technology and steroids. In the end American Work Ethic knocked out Communist Steroids and the Songs of Freedom rang throughout the land (Yes, any song by Survivor is a song of freedom). The purists had beaten the cheaters. The enemy had lost.
How could we be so naïve? The last time this had happen was when a small Shepard boy hit a giant in the forehead with a rock thousands of years ago. Why would we think Rocky could accomplish this feat without the aid of some substance? I mean under our noses was Barry, Mark, Sammy, and Jason hammering home runs, their heads the size of space helmets, busting records that were 50 years old, records set by men from old school, hard working America. I wouldn’t just say steroids won, steroids dominated our boys from the old school more than Walmart dominates the local drug store (in other words bends them over and says, “This is what you get for not hiring illegal immigrants bitch!”). The signs were all around us, we just chose to ignore because freedom rings free.
So where does this leave us? What conclusion can be drawn? If the symbol of purity in America was on the juice, if our beacon of freedom was on the juice, what else is or was on the juice? Was the USA Hockey team on steroids when we beat the Russians in 1980? Was “W” shooting some HGH in order to win two elections? How is Dick Cheney still alive (he does have a rather large cranium)? I’m not sure if any of these can be answered truthfully. If Rocky was injecting himself with a “muscle building” hormone, then anything could be a lie. The only thing I can be certain of is this…Freedom isn’t free…Freedom costs you your testicles.
Keep it fresh y'all (even in these dire times)
-Juan Pablo-
