Dont hate in 08

I need to start off by saying…why hate?

Yes why hate on a man who has beaten drugs, saved lives, cared for lives, nurtured lives, brought joy. I bet you’re thinking to yourself anyone who would hate on a person of this nature must think that the ultimate cocktail party guest list would include the likes of Hitler, Osama, and the fashion designer, Mugatu. Well, I can’t answer the second question, however, my friend Lisa, the law student with a heart of steel, does hate Charlie from LOST (she has praised his death), and he fits the bill of a decent, if not good, human being and perhaps the most real person on LOST.

I have yet to speak to Lisa in person but she has been quoted as saying she celebrates the death of Charlie in Season Three and is glad she will not have to endure any more of his “lame back-story” and pretend parenting of a child that isn’t even his (Claire’s baby Aaron, affectionately called Turnip Head by Charlie). Well, let me just say I strongly support any character whose back-story is based upon the band Oasis as well as anyone who is selfless enough to help a new mother nurture her child while trying to survive on a desert island. I will admit here that at times Charlie became jealous, such as his conflict with Locke over Claire or the time he knocked out Sun when aiding Sawyer in the plot to get the guns. However, lets also not forget when Charlie saved Jack during the cave in, or the time he got Claire peanut butter so she could feel at home, or the time of his death, perhaps the ultimate sacrifice, when Charlie goes into The Pearl knowing he is going to die, in order for others to survive (and if you didn’t think about making a Greatest Hits of your life after this episode you are lying to yourself….Zigs….great episode featuring Charlie’s back-story); not to mention that he saved Desmond’s life in that whole event. And how are to hate on a man with the strength to kick a heroin addiction as Charlie did when he was on the island. Finally, lets not forget that without Charlie’s actions, the entire group of castaways would probably not survived on this island. We forget that Charlie has played a critical role in the survival of the those lost on the island. You see, in season one Charlie smoked a man by the name of Ethan (a sweet scene by the way), who just happened to be the surgeon of those known as the Others. Well, Ethan’s death casued the Others to have a need for one of the survivors, Jack (whom Charlie saved by the way), a spinal surgeon. If Ethan, a surgeon as well, was available Jack would never had gone to the others to save Ben’s life and would never have started the chain of events which led to the Other’s becoming interested in the survival of those on Oceanic Flight 815.

So let’s not hate on Charlie. He’s had his lows, I admit that, but he’s also had some highs and had been an integral part to the survival of those on Oceanic Flight 815. Without him the show would not have been the same, so I say don’t look back in anger and if you want to hate on someone, hate on the most hateable character television has ever witnessed, Michael.

This one is for Chad...and Brad

Daddy tipped me off to this little piece of gold which I thought was BLOOOOGworthy.

Enjoy!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=n8bzZEtOcb8

My personal favorite verse...
"Chad Henne is a bitch...a mother fucking bitch...as welcome as a case of rectal itch!
His gender he should switch...the buck defense it makes him twitch, cause Chad Henne is a mother fucking bitch!"

The last one is just for good measure...it hilarious!

Hip Hop Anonymous

Hola amigos…..I have a new found love…hip hop. That’s right, in the last few days I have undergone a musical transfiguration. As of late, whenever someone steps into the 4 walls with a door that I call my office or the Sexterra, the sweet jams of Mos Def, Kayne West, or Talib Kweli (currently my favorite hip hop artist) can be heard from the speakers.

In reality, I should have gotten into hip hop years ago. ). Since my recent musical overhaul I have found remarkable parallels between jam bands and hip hop leading me to believe that I would have loved hip hop in high school. (note: I currently have accepted hip hop, but have yet to accept rap music. This is an important distinction to make since I view hip hop as smooth, socially conscious beats and rap music as loud, obnoxious jams written for pure entertainment value i.e. Souljah Boy or the Hot Boyz)

Take a look at jam bands. The draw to the jam variety of music (bands like String Cheese, Widespread Panic, The Grateful Dead, etc.) are awesome live perfomances, good instrumentals, insane lyrics (listen to Phish sometime if you want to experience this draw), music with a greater purpose, the openness to collaboration and, in hindsight, good music to listen too while “under the influence”. As I delve into hip hop, I see the same attributes surfacing. For example the good instrumentals of jam bands were perfect for stimulating thoughts on long car drives. A good beat in a hip hop song does the same thing for me. In both cases, one can essentially turn off the lyrics and let the jam flow through the mind. Too trippy you say, well take a good listen to the lyrics of a hip song for you lyrical junkies, the number of artists featured on someone’s album for those who appreciate a good collaboration, or the socially conscious themes that crop up in the music of hip hop atrists which appeal very nicely to the those of you who thrive in the fight for social justice and empowerment of the impoverished.

Bottom line is that I have finally found a musical genre which compliments my love of jam music, opening new doors, breathing life into what was once a stagnant musical journey that could have led to myself wearing white shades with Cheebs across the lenses cranking the Souljah Boy.

Peace and keep it fresh
Juan Pablo

Why I hate HUGE

Disclaimer: I hate HUGE

I hate the Huge, aka Bill Simonson, on WBBL the Ball 1340 Am. I really do! Today on his show he goes off about how he wants to go national and that his syndicate head says he would put him up against Jim Rome. Then for the next hour all huge (I am no longer going to use caps in his name as a sign of literary disrespect) does is field calls from folks who say that Rome sucks and that the huge is amazing and would run the Jungle out of the business. One guy called and said that Rome is a self absorbed bias individual who repeats himself over and over and over again, excuse me but that is the entire huge show everyday except the days when the dude from ann arbor is on because huge is gone. Another guy called and said huge is to Kirk Herbstreet as Rome is to Corso. His logic, huge is on point level, headed and gives credit where credit is due, Rome is just obnoxious. My logic, Corso rocks and Herbstreet is from Ohio State. If that listener watches Game Day he would have seen a sign in the crowd this year referencing the growing legend that is Chad in Portland, gaining fame from the icon of sports radio Jim Rome. I don’t see many testosterone Tuesday signs up at Game Day sights. I am sorry folks but its not close. Lets compare the two for a minute

Top Five things about the Jungle
The Smack-Off
The Clones
Major Sports Icons as Guests
Pop Culture Icons as Guest Hosts
One day a month devoted to either horse racing, homeschooled kids, and/or cock fighting
Alvin’s Clips (Adult Alarm, The Donald v Rosie, etc.)

Top Five things about the Huge Show
Bill claiming to love ND, Mich, and Mich St all at one time
Callers who cant read
The biggest guest spot of the year, Lloyd Carr interview.
One day a month devoted to race in the NFL, a pitch to go national, bitching at Moller
Those damn songs to promote the show

Face it Huge you’re a jackass who can’t hold a candle to Jim Rome. No one from your show has gone on to host his or her own program. No pro athlete is running to the radio at 3 pm to hear you and then calling to give their take. No one is coming on your show for karmic purposes. No one is taking time out of their schedule upon being asked to guest host your show. I hope you go national and I hope you get run. Then you’ll have to end up finding something else to do, like the time you were an XFL commentator.

War Charles Woodson’s piano prowess

Good night now

N.W.A where have you gone

In the past six months I have started to realize how ridiculous rap music has become. Actually, Rap Music has been careening toward madness for the past five years. I think it began with Lil’ John and the Crunk explosion in 2003-2004 afterwhich the phrase yeahhh was an everyday saying and kids were consuming crunk juice in place of Gatorade, but I do not have the rap music expertise or time to construct a blog which could actually be a masters thesis in pop culture. Instead what I do have is a video. One which rivals Leather so Soft (the video which vaulted Lil’ Wayne into my top 5 greatest guitar gods of the world), Party Like a Rock Star, Rock On(Do Da Rockman) (if you haven’t watched or listened to this video it’s a must see; just be prepared to do the rockman right after you lean like a cholo), and the new hit Crank dat Souljah Boy (my personal favorite). Now we have one that eclipses it all, Kafani's new hit, Fast Like a Nascar You may think it doesn’t exist, as I did when I received a text message cuing me into this gold nugget of rap music obscurity, but click play and see for yourself. Its proof that even you can become a rap icon in today’s music seen; just include me in your posse.

My thoughts on the Teen Choice Awards

My thoughts on the Teen Choice Awards

It’s Sunday night and I am currently watching the chick who plays Hannah Montana scream “I am so exited…I love you guys….my album…Disney channel…blah blah blah” all while holding a giant surfboard. That’s correct I am watching the 2007 Teen Choice Awards.

Your first thought is probably, what the hell, but let me lay some ground for the “why the hell”…

I am living in a house with no cable.
The only other thing on is preseason football, extreme makeover home edition, and some crazy cable access ish.
I do this kind of stuff all the time so if you know me you’re not saying “what the hell”

Now that that is out the way let me enlighten on some interesting teen choice observations.

Observation 1- I hate High School Musical
Without a doubt the most popular person at these awards is Zach Affron, star of the made for TV movie High School Musical. For one, the dude is douche bag, does he not understand he has his fame from a made for television musical. I am sorry but this does not drive anybody into the upper echelon of my book. Secondly, he dropped the old “How you doin?” line on Jessica Alba when each one the hottie award. You know, the same line Joey from Friends used. Zach, this is arguably the hottest woman in the world, standing next to you and the only thing you can think to say is “How you doin?” Finally, Zach does not know it yet, but he has reached the zenith of his career. He’s not going to be popular to anyone but girls ages 10-15. That’s just how it’s going to be. The problem with Zach is he hasn’t come to this realization so he figures in ten years he’ll be the equivalent of Brad Pitt so he’s acting like it now. I hate this kid

Obs. 2 – The unintentional comedy at this thing is off the charts, hands down, better than a Justin Leonard high five at the Ryder Cup.
Here are some great unintentional comedic gems from what I’ve seen:
1. The Shop Boyz closed the show out with Party like a Rockstar. Nothing like a couple hundred teenage girls shouting the lyrics “My ice make ‘em go down quick like the Titanic.”
2. Ludacris and Chingy, who were announced as “Representing Hotlanta…” teamed with Greg Oden to present an award to a chick named Sophia Bush.
3. There have been at least three silent censor moments for inapproiate language and yet Superbad was nominated for Best Comedy. Ahh the irony of the Teen Choice awards.
4. Everyone performing looks pissed to be there (Zach Affron is an exception because he has reached mountaintop damnit).
5. Sum 41 presented an award.
6. Avril Lavigne sang her song got an award and her speech went roughly like this, “Thank you so much for this award, this, this (trying to read what award it is), this (still searching), this teen choice award for 2007 (GOT IT!)” You can tell Avril had this on her calendar for months.

Obs. 3- Hotties in the crowd
We all know that at major events the camera crews will zoom in on the most attractive people in the venue. Much of the time this is done by zooming in on the ladies. The teen choice awards are no different, except for the fact that all the girls are between the ages of 10 and 15. I wonder if any of these cameramen will end up “To Catch a Predator” at some point in time.

So there you have it, my thoughts on everything teen choice. Maybe next time you can pull up a chair next to me and watch. I’m thinking that Marky Mark Wahlberg needs to get nominated for something so that next year he can show up and kick Zach Affron’s ass. What am I talking about, Marky Mark wouldn’t come to theses awards and that my friends, is why Zach Affron is a douche bag.

Don't call it a comeback

Its been a while folks, but us here at eyeofthedog have decided to pull together a reunion tour. In the five months since eyeofthedog has been heard of, two of us got married, two moved into a place called browtown, and two of us are in the market for boyfreinds, and I'm not even gonna mention what has gone down since Haines joined up with seventh floor crew (lets just say mudflaps and a nine iron have taken on a whole new symbology).

So for the first installment of the new eyeofthedog I thought I would talk more about reunion tours. I aksed myself, if you could demand any musical group of all time would have to do a reunion tour who would you chose. Here is my top 5:

Note: People can be raised from the dead and fictional characters can tour as well.

5. The Hot Sundaes, Zach Attack, and the Four Aces

Picture this, the bands of Saved By the Bell all gathered together to do a Summer of 2008 reunion tour playing only to stadium crowds. I mean, just try to fathom 35,000 people holding up lighters while Zack Attack performs "Did we ever have chance" or a video montage of all Saved by the Bell highlights playing in the background while the girls of The Hot Sundaes perform "I'm so Excited" wearing headbands, leg warmers and spandex workout clothes. Not to mention the drama that would most definitely ensue with the Kelly-Tori-Zack love triangle, Screech trying to box with Slater, and Jessie doing coke with the band manager Johnny Dakota. Now thats a reunion tour.

4. The Hot Boyz

This could actually happen by the way. The Hot Boyz are looking to make a reunion album in the near future. So far Lil Wayne, Juvenile, B.G. Turk, and Mannie Fresh have recorded a few other tracks. I must admit, I am not a huge fan of the Hot Boyz, but they deserve a spot on this list for three reasons. One, the song "Get your roll" (only for the line about swinging big dongs). Two, when asked if any music group reunite to Udonis Haslem said, "The Hot Boys." Three, I personally hold them responsible for the Minnetonka Sex Cruise of 05. How else do explain Daunte gettin his roll on all season. Sign the Hot Boys up for $35 a ticket and hit the clubs.

3. The Sex Pistols

Sid Vicious, the most bad ass man of all time hands down....need I say more.

2. The Grateful Dead

We grew up listening to them play and may have even seen the remaining members of The Dead play in concert, but our generation missed Jerry. This would change and the original dead reunion tour would take not only the country but the whole world by storm. They'd have to play only huge outdoor venues that could hold 100,000 plus every night and the crowd would hold the likes of every famous dead head to ever live. Imagine jammin to Shake Down Street while ripping a bong with Slick Willy and Bill Walton. Also, in my head every show ends with the Dead playing a live version of the American Beauty album for an encore. Plus every reunion tour would feature guest appearances by the bands good friends. Think of the surprises every night. Anywhere from Janis Jopilin, the Beach Boys, CSNY, Panic, Cheese, David Grisman, Panic, and even Wycleff. It would be unbelieveable, I would probably quit my job and hit the road with my aunt (a former dead head).

1. Queen
I admit, I went back and forth on one and two. It was feel good rock n roll verses feel good jam. It was insane lyrics verses insane guitar solos. It was ultimately, Freddie vs. Jerry, Mustache vs. Beard. It might just the point I'm at in my lifetime or that I couldn't imagine wanting to see anything more than Freddie Mercury in a red leather leotard singing the falsetto line of "Somebody to Love", but the original line up of Queen takes the cake for the best reunion of all time. The show would be hours, the crowd would kick ass, and during "We will rock you" and "We are the Champion" a Mighty Ducks video montage could be played in the background. I would dig it and so would you.


So as always peace be the journey and as always, keep it fresh y'all.
-Juan Pablo