My thoughts on the Teen Choice Awards
It’s Sunday night and I am currently watching the chick who plays Hannah Montana scream “I am so exited…I love you guys….my album…Disney channel…blah blah blah” all while holding a giant surfboard. That’s correct I am watching the 2007 Teen Choice Awards.
Your first thought is probably, what the hell, but let me lay some ground for the “why the hell”…
I am living in a house with no cable.
The only other thing on is preseason football, extreme makeover home edition, and some crazy cable access ish.
I do this kind of stuff all the time so if you know me you’re not saying “what the hell”
Now that that is out the way let me enlighten on some interesting teen choice observations.
Observation 1- I hate High School Musical
Without a doubt the most popular person at these awards is Zach Affron, star of the made for TV movie High School Musical. For one, the dude is douche bag, does he not understand he has his fame from a made for television musical. I am sorry but this does not drive anybody into the upper echelon of my book. Secondly, he dropped the old “How you doin?” line on Jessica Alba when each one the hottie award. You know, the same line Joey from Friends used. Zach, this is arguably the hottest woman in the world, standing next to you and the only thing you can think to say is “How you doin?” Finally, Zach does not know it yet, but he has reached the zenith of his career. He’s not going to be popular to anyone but girls ages 10-15. That’s just how it’s going to be. The problem with Zach is he hasn’t come to this realization so he figures in ten years he’ll be the equivalent of Brad Pitt so he’s acting like it now. I hate this kid
Obs. 2 – The unintentional comedy at this thing is off the charts, hands down, better than a Justin Leonard high five at the Ryder Cup.
Here are some great unintentional comedic gems from what I’ve seen:
1. The Shop Boyz closed the show out with Party like a Rockstar. Nothing like a couple hundred teenage girls shouting the lyrics “My ice make ‘em go down quick like the Titanic.”
2. Ludacris and Chingy, who were announced as “Representing Hotlanta…” teamed with Greg Oden to present an award to a chick named Sophia Bush.
3. There have been at least three silent censor moments for inapproiate language and yet Superbad was nominated for Best Comedy. Ahh the irony of the Teen Choice awards.
4. Everyone performing looks pissed to be there (Zach Affron is an exception because he has reached mountaintop damnit).
5. Sum 41 presented an award.
6. Avril Lavigne sang her song got an award and her speech went roughly like this, “Thank you so much for this award, this, this (trying to read what award it is), this (still searching), this teen choice award for 2007 (GOT IT!)” You can tell Avril had this on her calendar for months.
Obs. 3- Hotties in the crowd
We all know that at major events the camera crews will zoom in on the most attractive people in the venue. Much of the time this is done by zooming in on the ladies. The teen choice awards are no different, except for the fact that all the girls are between the ages of 10 and 15. I wonder if any of these cameramen will end up “To Catch a Predator” at some point in time.
So there you have it, my thoughts on everything teen choice. Maybe next time you can pull up a chair next to me and watch. I’m thinking that Marky Mark Wahlberg needs to get nominated for something so that next year he can show up and kick Zach Affron’s ass. What am I talking about, Marky Mark wouldn’t come to theses awards and that my friends, is why Zach Affron is a douche bag.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Don't call it a comeback
Its been a while folks, but us here at eyeofthedog have decided to pull together a reunion tour. In the five months since eyeofthedog has been heard of, two of us got married, two moved into a place called browtown, and two of us are in the market for boyfreinds, and I'm not even gonna mention what has gone down since Haines joined up with seventh floor crew (lets just say mudflaps and a nine iron have taken on a whole new symbology).
So for the first installment of the new eyeofthedog I thought I would talk more about reunion tours. I aksed myself, if you could demand any musical group of all time would have to do a reunion tour who would you chose. Here is my top 5:
Note: People can be raised from the dead and fictional characters can tour as well.
5. The Hot Sundaes, Zach Attack, and the Four Aces
Picture this, the bands of Saved By the Bell all gathered together to do a Summer
of 2008 reunion tour playing only to stadium crowds. I mean, just try to fathom 35,000 people holding up lighters while Zack Attack performs "Did we ever have chance" or a video montage of all Saved by the Bell highlights playing in the background while the girls of The Hot Sundaes perform "I'm so Excited" wearing headbands, leg warmers and spandex workout clothes. Not to mention the drama that would most definitely ensue with the Kelly-Tori-Zack love triangle, Screech trying to box with Slater, and Jessie doing coke with the band manager Johnny Dakota. Now thats a reunion tour.
4. The Hot Boyz
This could actually happen by the way. The Hot Boyz are looking to make a reunion album in the near future. So far Lil Wayne, Juvenile, B.G. Turk, and Mannie Fresh have recorded a few other tracks. I must admit, I am not a huge fan of the Hot Boyz, but they deserve a spot on this list for three reasons. One, the song "Get your roll" (only for the line about swinging big dongs). Two, when asked if any music group reunite to Udonis Haslem said, "The Hot Boys." Three, I personally hold them responsible for the Minnetonka Sex Cruise of 05. How else do explain Daunte gettin his roll on all season. Sign the Hot Boys up for $35 a ticket and hit the clubs.
3. The Sex Pistols
Sid Vicious, the most bad ass man of all time hands down....need I say more.
2. The Grateful Dead
We grew up listening to them play and may have even seen the remaining members of The Dead
play in concert, but our generation missed Jerry. This would change and the original dead reunion tour would take not only the country but the whole world by storm. They'd have to play only huge outdoor venues that could hold 100,000 plus every night and the crowd would hold the likes of every famous dead head to ever live. Imagine jammin to Shake Down Street while ripping a bong with Slick Willy and Bill Walton. Also, in my head every show ends with the Dead playing a live version of the American Beauty album for an encore. Plus every reunion tour would feature guest appearances by the bands good friends. Think of the surprises every night. Anywhere from Janis Jopilin, the Beach Boys, CSNY, Panic, Cheese, David Grisman, Panic, and even Wycleff. It would be unbelieveable, I would probably quit my job and hit the road with my aunt (a former dead head).
1. Queen
I admit, I went back and forth on one and two. It was feel
good rock n roll verses feel good jam. It was insane lyrics verses insane guitar solos. It was ultimately, Freddie vs. Jerry, Mustache vs. Beard. It might just the point I'm at in my lifetime or that I couldn't imagine wanting to see anything more than Freddie Mercury in a red leather leotard singing the falsetto line of "Somebody to Love", but the original line up of Queen takes the cake for the best reunion of all time. The show would be hours, the crowd would kick ass, and during "We will rock you" and "We are the Champion" a Mighty Ducks video montage could be played in the background. I would dig it and so would you.
So as always peace be the journey and as always, keep it fresh y'all.
-Juan Pablo
So for the first installment of the new eyeofthedog I thought I would talk more about reunion tours. I aksed myself, if you could demand any musical group of all time would have to do a reunion tour who would you chose. Here is my top 5:
Note: People can be raised from the dead and fictional characters can tour as well.
5. The Hot Sundaes, Zach Attack, and the Four Aces
Picture this, the bands of Saved By the Bell all gathered together to do a Summer
of 2008 reunion tour playing only to stadium crowds. I mean, just try to fathom 35,000 people holding up lighters while Zack Attack performs "Did we ever have chance" or a video montage of all Saved by the Bell highlights playing in the background while the girls of The Hot Sundaes perform "I'm so Excited" wearing headbands, leg warmers and spandex workout clothes. Not to mention the drama that would most definitely ensue with the Kelly-Tori-Zack love triangle, Screech trying to box with Slater, and Jessie doing coke with the band manager Johnny Dakota. Now thats a reunion tour.4. The Hot Boyz
This could actually happen by the way. The Hot Boyz are looking to make a reunion album in the near future. So far Lil Wayne, Juvenile, B.G. Turk, and Mannie Fresh have recorded a few other tracks. I must admit, I am not a huge fan of the Hot Boyz, but they deserve a spot on this list for three reasons. One, the song "Get your roll" (only for the line about swinging big dongs). Two, when asked if any music group reunite to Udonis Haslem said, "The Hot Boys." Three, I personally hold them responsible for the Minnetonka Sex Cruise of 05. How else do explain Daunte gettin his roll on all season. Sign the Hot Boys up for $35 a ticket and hit the clubs.
3. The Sex Pistols
Sid Vicious, the most bad ass man of all time hands down....need I say more.
2. The Grateful Dead
We grew up listening to them play and may have even seen the remaining members of The Dead
play in concert, but our generation missed Jerry. This would change and the original dead reunion tour would take not only the country but the whole world by storm. They'd have to play only huge outdoor venues that could hold 100,000 plus every night and the crowd would hold the likes of every famous dead head to ever live. Imagine jammin to Shake Down Street while ripping a bong with Slick Willy and Bill Walton. Also, in my head every show ends with the Dead playing a live version of the American Beauty album for an encore. Plus every reunion tour would feature guest appearances by the bands good friends. Think of the surprises every night. Anywhere from Janis Jopilin, the Beach Boys, CSNY, Panic, Cheese, David Grisman, Panic, and even Wycleff. It would be unbelieveable, I would probably quit my job and hit the road with my aunt (a former dead head).1. Queen
I admit, I went back and forth on one and two. It was feel
good rock n roll verses feel good jam. It was insane lyrics verses insane guitar solos. It was ultimately, Freddie vs. Jerry, Mustache vs. Beard. It might just the point I'm at in my lifetime or that I couldn't imagine wanting to see anything more than Freddie Mercury in a red leather leotard singing the falsetto line of "Somebody to Love", but the original line up of Queen takes the cake for the best reunion of all time. The show would be hours, the crowd would kick ass, and during "We will rock you" and "We are the Champion" a Mighty Ducks video montage could be played in the background. I would dig it and so would you.So as always peace be the journey and as always, keep it fresh y'all.
-Juan Pablo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)