Over the weekend and into this week I have been perusing my usual news sources and one story keeps popping up more than most. Something so big that it has eclipsed the War in Iraq, a Mt. Hood mountain rescue, and Anna Nicole Smith...that's correct mi amigos....Britney Spears shaving her head. Rest assured, I have pondered this more than all of you and have now finally 
settled on an answer to the question...Why has Britney shaved her head? Ladies and gentlemen I give you my thesis.......
Britney Spears shaved her head in pursuit of the unfathomable cycle of hotness, a completion of four separate levels of attractiveness no one has yet to achieve in the modern era.
That's right kids Britney is attempting to bowl the hotness equivalent of a 300 game. To show you what I'm talking about I've done you the honor of enlightening you on the Juan Pablo Cycle of Hotness.
The Single -Girl Next Door Hot: Britney achieved innocent hotness prior to the JT fling during the "Oops I Did it Again" phase of her career, largely due to the school girl outfit rocked in the video. (side bar, you can trace Britney's innocence hotness all the way back to the mickey mouse club but sorry, unless your name is Brad and you call yourself HR you don't mention this in public, for all intensive purposes junior high girls are off limits for eyeofthedog)
The Double - You Wanna See Me Topless Hot: If any of you dudes out there at no time in your life found Britney spears bangin', you missed this phase and i advise you to do one of two things, 1)watch the slave video and 2)stay away from Tim Hardaway. Britney achieved I am bangin, you all wanna see me topless, and I know it so I'm going to screw (eg. making out with Madonna at the VMAs) with you hot during the toxic, slave, pre Kfed point of her career. Not gonna lie she had a good run going.
The Triple - Ron Mexico Hot: Yes that's right Ron Mexico hot, you know the girl whose
hot but 
you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole out of straight fear of how your next few doctors appointments would shape up. (sidebar: we all have one friend in our crew that goes for this girl and I want to take this time to thank all the Ron Mexicos out there; without you guys taking one for the team the rest of us would have no stories to tell; we live vicariously through you so keep up the, eehhhh, "good" work). There are a few analogs here: Tara Ried, Paris Hilton, and Lindsey Lohan; two of whom our girl Britney rolled with while seeking the elusive triple. The Ron Mexico stage is a bit of a roller coaster, usually signified by random hookups, substance abuse, and in rare cases, a child. If Meatloaf is correct in saying "two out of three ain't bad" then put Britney at the head of the class cause she's battin' 1000. K-fed, alcohol, and not one but two kids ladies and gents. Add pole dancing with Paris, rolling with a cracked out Lohan, and her own version of the vagina monologues and Britney is in a whole other league. Put it this way, if Senor Mexico saw Britney the odds on No. 7 passing the buck to his younger brother Marcus "i got the beer, you're 17, let's party" Vick are somewhere around 3:1.
The Hom-a-run - I Could Shave My Head and Still be Hot, Hot: Tough group to crack...I mean only a few have reached or even made a valiant effort to join the ranks of women who have shaved their heads and are hotter for it. I give credit to Natalie
Portman for bringing this to light (if you think I'm crazy go watch V for Vendeta...she got hotter with a shaved head...no lie!). Others to make valiant efforts include Sinead O'Connor and Demi Moore. Well, to say the least Britney's attempt had about as much success as Curt Schilling on Celebrity Jeopardy (to his credit he ran the sports category). The only thing I can think of is that Britney was trying to shed the "guys without nalgenes with secret compartments won't hang with me" reputation of the her Ron Mexico era. She was simply trying to redeem her sex symbol status. Well either that or Britney's has gone off the deep end. Jury's still out.
Anyways Britney, I will always cherish Toxic and gleefully await your Flavor of Love cameo.....keep it fresh ya'll
-Juan Pablo-
settled on an answer to the question...Why has Britney shaved her head? Ladies and gentlemen I give you my thesis.......Britney Spears shaved her head in pursuit of the unfathomable cycle of hotness, a completion of four separate levels of attractiveness no one has yet to achieve in the modern era.
That's right kids Britney is attempting to bowl the hotness equivalent of a 300 game. To show you what I'm talking about I've done you the honor of enlightening you on the Juan Pablo Cycle of Hotness.
The Single -Girl Next Door Hot: Britney achieved innocent hotness prior to the JT fling during the "Oops I Did it Again" phase of her career, largely due to the school girl outfit rocked in the video. (side bar, you can trace Britney's innocence hotness all the way back to the mickey mouse club but sorry, unless your name is Brad and you call yourself HR you don't mention this in public, for all intensive purposes junior high girls are off limits for eyeofthedog)
The Double - You Wanna See Me Topless Hot: If any of you dudes out there at no time in your life found Britney spears bangin', you missed this phase and i advise you to do one of two things, 1)watch the slave video and 2)stay away from Tim Hardaway. Britney achieved I am bangin, you all wanna see me topless, and I know it so I'm going to screw (eg. making out with Madonna at the VMAs) with you hot during the toxic, slave, pre Kfed point of her career. Not gonna lie she had a good run going.
The Triple - Ron Mexico Hot: Yes that's right Ron Mexico hot, you know the girl whose
hot but 
you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole out of straight fear of how your next few doctors appointments would shape up. (sidebar: we all have one friend in our crew that goes for this girl and I want to take this time to thank all the Ron Mexicos out there; without you guys taking one for the team the rest of us would have no stories to tell; we live vicariously through you so keep up the, eehhhh, "good" work). There are a few analogs here: Tara Ried, Paris Hilton, and Lindsey Lohan; two of whom our girl Britney rolled with while seeking the elusive triple. The Ron Mexico stage is a bit of a roller coaster, usually signified by random hookups, substance abuse, and in rare cases, a child. If Meatloaf is correct in saying "two out of three ain't bad" then put Britney at the head of the class cause she's battin' 1000. K-fed, alcohol, and not one but two kids ladies and gents. Add pole dancing with Paris, rolling with a cracked out Lohan, and her own version of the vagina monologues and Britney is in a whole other league. Put it this way, if Senor Mexico saw Britney the odds on No. 7 passing the buck to his younger brother Marcus "i got the beer, you're 17, let's party" Vick are somewhere around 3:1.The Hom-a-run - I Could Shave My Head and Still be Hot, Hot: Tough group to crack...I mean only a few have reached or even made a valiant effort to join the ranks of women who have shaved their heads and are hotter for it. I give credit to Natalie
Portman for bringing this to light (if you think I'm crazy go watch V for Vendeta...she got hotter with a shaved head...no lie!). Others to make valiant efforts include Sinead O'Connor and Demi Moore. Well, to say the least Britney's attempt had about as much success as Curt Schilling on Celebrity Jeopardy (to his credit he ran the sports category). The only thing I can think of is that Britney was trying to shed the "guys without nalgenes with secret compartments won't hang with me" reputation of the her Ron Mexico era. She was simply trying to redeem her sex symbol status. Well either that or Britney's has gone off the deep end. Jury's still out.Anyways Britney, I will always cherish Toxic and gleefully await your Flavor of Love cameo.....keep it fresh ya'll
-Juan Pablo-
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