Ode to Oliver Miller

Not to long ago I was riding shotgun in THE PUNISHER on my way home from the Silver Derby, when I was informed that Lavar Arrington and Serena Williams had a relationship. This blew me away because they are both thicker than Oliver Miller after he eats the quadruple stacker from Burger King.
I dwelled on this fact for a few weeks, thinking about what their kids would look like, who was actually thicker, who would win in arm wrestling and if they needed to get a larger than average toilet. I was just about done with my Lavena fetish when the dunk contest came on. I have been a huge fan of NBA all-star weekend since the days of "baby Jordan," Harold Miner and a blind-folded Cedric Ceballos. This year was no different. I was especially excited to see Dwight Howard dunk. Especially since I heard he potitioned the league to bring in an 11ft basket to dunk on. Then it happened-as I watched Dwight Howard put his sticker on the top of the backboard I examined his thickness and realized that he had to be the super-human 3 year old love child of Lavena. There was no other way that a man could be so thick and have so much athletic ability. It is just rediculous. To affirm this truth, all I had to do was look to the latest issue of Sports Illustrated. There is an interview with Dwight Howard where he says that if he went to college he would major in computer science and theatre. He said computer science "because I like cell phones.".........3 year old, dude.
Forget steroids or HGH, a super-human race is being formed by abnormal athletes mating with each other---run while you still can--before Sam Cassel (an obvious alien) and Cheryl Miller mate.
OUT